Many men turn to online dating because they believe it’s easier than approaching women in person. While it is in fact easier to approach women, it’s definitely not easier to get a date or find love in the world of online dating. If you’re reading this you’re probably finding online dating frustrating. In this article, I’m going to share with you my experience and my tips for online dating. If you follow them, I guarantee that you’ll significantly increase your chances of getting dates, which significantly increases your chances of finding love.

I will break this article into two main parts ‘Profile’ and ‘Approach’.

Profile

I always thought a good profile (pictures and bio) was common sense. That was until I asked my female friend if I could scroll through her Tinder to assess my competition. I was horrified, but happy to find that the competition was poor. My competition was men taking selfies, poorly dressed, low quality photos, poor grammar, lip pouting, posing with a sedated tiger, topless - the list goes on.

If this was my competition I knew I could stand out.

Photographs

Women are a very intelligent species, and they can tell a lot about you from a picture. They will examine a picture in minute detail. I’ll explain. That pouting selfie you’ve taken. This is what a woman will think:

“Oh no a selfie. He’s probably taken all day to take that picture. Doesn’t he have any friends to take pictures? Oh no he’s pouting too. Real men don’t pout. He looks insecure. It looks like he’s taken this picture in a bedroom. He probably lives in his parent’s basement.”

Yes, women will create a story from just one picture. You need good pictures to have a profile that standouts. This is not debatable. If you have good pictures, you don’t even need to write a profile. Your pictures will tell your story. Before I tell you which pictures to use, this is a list of pictures you shouldn’t use:

• Topless (women don’t care about your six pack, it’s so low down on their list of needs)
• Sunglasses (you’re hiding your face. Only use one if you have many clear facial images, but never as a profile picture)
• With your ex-girlfriend (don’t do it)
• Group photos (you need some photos of you with friends, but never as your profile)
• Selfie / mirror selfie / gym selfie (men shouldn’t take selfies)
• Posing with a sedated tiger (good women love animals, and you shouldn’t do this anyway)
• Old photos (no one likes a catfish)
• Showing off with cars or money (it screams insecurity)

I cannot emphasize this enough, do not use these types of photographs no matter how good you think you look. Okay, so now you’re asking what are good pictures? These are my rules:

1. The entire range of pictures should show and give the viewer a strong sense of who you are. Your hobbies, your career, your lifestyle, your social life, how you dress etc. Now this is important. Do not pretend to be something you’re not. But do show your life in the best possible way. If you get this right you don’t even need to write a profile, because your photographs tell a high-level story.
2. Good quality. It’s 2018 there’s no excuse for poor quality images. Camera phones have great cameras. If you don’t have a camera phone, ask a friend.
3. Be subtle. If you love the gym and have a good body, a topless picture is a massive turnoff. However, a well fitted t-shirt that shows off your torso is attractive. See the difference? She will be able to work out that you keep fit without you having to flash it in her face. Women like to use their imagination and create a story about you. In this situation, they would know you’re confident because you don’t need to show off. If that makes sense to you, you’re going to go far.
4. If possible, your images should show you displaying confidence. Now confidence is a subtle display of body language. It’s the difference between having your shoulders back and head up, over slouching.
5. Mix it up. Don’t have images that are all similar. Mix it up from head shots to actions shots to full body shots. It’s good to have a photo of you with other people, so she can get a sense of your physical presence around other people. Even better if the photo is of you all having fun.
6. Smile. Women like a nice smile, and they like nice people, so smile. Now before you jump at me and say “nice guys finish last”, no they don’t. Nice guys finish first, “pushovers” finish last. But that’s a whole other topic. Smile, it’s like kryptonite.
7. Dress well. Don’t be something you’re not, but at the very least dress well. Every man sometime in his life is likely to wear a suit, whether to work or a wedding. Get at least one image of you wearing a suit. There’s a catch, the suit has to be well fitted. A baggy or short fitted suit looks terrible. This isn’t necessary, but if you can show you’ll look good as a groom, you will be increasing your chances of a match and date.

While applying the above rules to your images, still remember to be you. All you’re doing is showing you, but in the best possible light.

Bio

Now it’s time for your bio. This is another area where men mess up. They mess up, because of bad grammar, insecurity through bragging, lying, over exaggerating, passive aggressive and killing the mystery by saying too much. If you’re a personal trainer, taxi driver or any one-man business, don’t put that you’re the CEO. It says you’re insecure with what you really do. Don’t write your entire life story in your profile. Women love mystery and if they know everything about you there’s no reason to go on a date with you. Get it?

Therefore, with your bio keep it short and sweet. As short as possible. Then get a friend to check it for gramma and spelling. Don’t have someone else write your profile about you, you’re a grown man. They’re cheesy and childish. You should be able to look after yourself and sell yourself.

Keep it short and sweet. Less is more.

Approach

This is another area where many men mess up. They try to chat up the woman through messages and they also try to make her fall in love with him through messages. Sorry, but this will never happen. Women want to be romanced in the real world, not in the digital world. They want to work for and fall in love with you over time. This can only happen over a period of time, which happens over many dates.

So many men talk the woman out of the date by killing the mystery. The phone, messages, emails and texts are for setting dates only. Let me repeat that, the phone, messages, emails and texts are for setting dates only. They are not for getting to know each other. They are not for speaking to each other for hours. They are not for sending lengthy messages.

Once you match with a woman that you want to meet up with. You simply ask her for a date. Something like this: “Hi <her name>, thank you for the match, I’m very flattered. I want to take you for dinner, but how about a quick coffee date first?” Then do nothing until she replies. If she doesn’t reply, still do nothing, just move on. It’s important that you don’t get attached to any match. You should feel, or at least pretend to feel, so confident that you don’t over value a match. It’s their loss if they don’t reply.

Isn’t this a bit too direct? Yes, exactly and it works. It works because confident people are direct. Woman love confidence. It works, because women on dating sites want to go on dates not make pen friends who send endless messages. It works, because you’ll know fast if the woman is serious, so no time wasted over weeks of messaging. It works, because all the other men are talking themselves out of the date while you’re showing leadership.

Once your match agrees to the date, find out when you’re both free and set the date. Then agree to meet her there or pick her up. Do not ask any questions or try to get to know your match before the date. You will simply kill the mystery if you do and you will have nothing to talk about on the date. It will also increase the chances of her cancelling on you, because she will have nothing to look forward to if she knows everything about you.

She might send you some questions asking about you, that’s natural. Simply acknowledge the text and say you’d prefer to get to know each other on the date, for example “That’s a great question, I’ll tell you in person when we meet.” This will increase the mystery and she will wonder about you. Now in this case it’s likely the woman will test you. Remember this, she will test you to see how strong you are. She might say something like “Why won’t you tell me. Why are you trying to be mysterious?” She’s testing how strong you are and if she can influence you easily. All you need to do is stay centred and say “I’m looking forward to getting to know you more in person. Let’s save it all for the date, so we have something to talk about.” Your match won’t be able to argue with that.

Hang on a second, why did you say a date, but coffee first? In my experience, you can tell very quickly if you’re going to connect with someone. There’s nothing worse being stuck at a meal when you don’t like each other. It’s also expensive. After spending a lot of money on dinners with dates I didn’t want to see again, I did pre-dates. This was a coffee date of no longer than an hour. I would make an excuse before the date that I had no more than an hour and had to leave. That way she feels safe that if the date is going badly it’s only going to be an hour, but you also feel better that you won’t be stuck. Also, if the pre-date is going well, you leave her wanting more. Therefore, increasing her chances of saying yes to a second date.

This is how you get dates in the world online dating. In summary, good photographs that raise her interest in you, a short sweet profile, the ability to directly ask for the date and the leadership skills to arrange the date. It’s as simple as that, but thanks to love films and misinformation most men over complicate it thinking they’re doing the right thing. Keep it simple and follow this guidance, and you’ll get more dates.