First dates are great fun, especially if you love meeting new people. First dates shouldn’t be awkward, invoke anxiety or over the top. If your first dates are all or any of those things, you’re doing something very wrong. Don’t worry, this article will show you how to have a successful first date and how to get a second date. By the end of the article you will have learnt just how easy first dates are.
First of all, you need to arrange the date, so that it’s in the right environment. It needs to with the minimum amount of distractions and in a place you can talk. Check out our article on the best places to date.
So many men mess up the first date for very common reasons. They apply 'male thinking logic' and what they see in films to the date. Then when it doesn’t succeed they’re left scratching their heads and wondering where they messed up. Then they go to the default answer of “It’s because I’m a nice guy and women go for losers and bad boys."
So let’s start with what you shouldn’t be doing on a first date.
Going over the top: What woman wouldn’t want to be flown to Paris for a meal overlooking the Eiffel Tower? All you’re doing is making or finding a woman who is attracted to your money. You want to find a woman who likes you for you. You will also find this level of dates hard to sustain, but you’re also setting high expectations for the future. When a woman likes you, you don’t need to go over the top.
Bragging: Telling the woman all about your achievements, how much money you have, what car you drive and how intelligent you are. This is male logic. Logically it makes sense that if you tell her about all your benefits she will find you more attractive. Instead what it demonstrates is how insecure you are and how much you need her to like you.
Talking too much: Instead of talking you should be asking questions and listening. Think 80/20, the woman should be speaking 80% of the time and you should be speaking 20% of the time. “How will my date know anything about me then?”, exactly she’ll know very little about you meaning you have mystery. She’ll more likely want to go on a second date so she can learn more about you.
Talk about ex-girlfriends: This is dangerous ground, so avoid this topic. If she starts talking about her ex-boyfriend, change the direction of the conversation. Do not bring your ex-girlfriends up. If she asks you any questions about your ex-girlfriend or relationships, be positive and then change the subject.
Over complimenting: It’s polite to say your date looks nice and compliment the effort she has gone through to look good for you, but that’s it. Don’t do more than that. She needs to be unsure if you like her or not. If you keep telling her how beautiful she is she’s going to see you as sleazy and she’s going to know she’s already won you over. And when people have won they move on to the next challenge.
Talking about sex: Don’t talk about sex, even if she brings it up. This is another minefield. Change the direction of the topic.
Be rude to her, or anyone else around you: Woman are smart and if you’re the nicest person to her, but rude to the waiter or staff, she’ll know that’s your true personality.
Engage in physical contact: A first date should be slightly formal. If you start touching her, putting your hand on her leg, linking her arm or holding her hand, she is going to be freaked out. And rightly so. Woman will let you know when it’s okay to engage in physical contact and they do this by making the first physical move. This won't usually happen on the first date, so lean back and keep your hands to yourself. If she is touching you and linking your arm, then she suddenly stops, you need to stop to. No she doesn’t want you to chase, she is testing to see if you like her more than she likes you.
Change your views: Woman love to test men to see how strong they really are. If you easily change your opinion to agree with her, she’ll know you’re not strong. For example you might say X is the best book of all time, and she might say Z is the best book of all time. She might then test you to see if she can convince you to change your opinion to Z.
Deep conversation: A first date is not a counselling session. How many times have you heard men say “We were up all night talking about everything. I just don’t understand why it never worked out.” You’re meant to be on a date, she wants someone to have a good time with, to laugh and have fun. She’s not looking for a counselling session. Conversations like this too early on put you in friend zone. She needs to see you as desirable and attractive. You don’t get desirable and attractive from deep depressing conversations. You get it from having a good time. Only when you’re in a relationship can you have deep conversations, and a relationship is a few to many months down the line.
Ask for the second date: Talk about being desperate and needy. Be cool, don’t talk about the second date or any future events together.
How to behave on your first date
Now you know what not to do, it makes things a whole lot easier. All you need to do is ask questions, shut up, listen and have fun. It’s that simple. Keep the conversation light and fun.
Keep your body language relaxed and open, but distant. Don’t lean in, as it appears too keen. Lean back and listen and let her come to you (when she’s ready).
Ask her questions about her, her life, her hobbies, what she does for fun and what she’s passionate about. Really listen though as you want to be able to respond with fluent questions. Woman also remember everything, so they’ll remember what they told you. This is important, because in the future they’ll test you to see if you remember.
For your first date, especially if you’ve never met before, you want to keep it short. The reason for this is because it leaves her wanting more. It leaves her wondering why she doesn’t know more about you. It leaves her wondering if you like her and want a second date with her. She’ll be so used to men drawing the date out longer than it should and trying to get her to fall in love, or into bed. Being able to end the date in a short period is powerful. It is these things that make women more attracted to you and want to see you again. And this is what happens when the date goes on too long.
To help you keep the date short, organise a simple first date or meeting. Somewhere like a coffee shop, but let her know well in advance that you can’t be more than an hour. Let her know you have somewhere else to be such as something to do with work or with your friends. Set an alarm on your phone, so the date doesn’t run over. When it’s time, thank her for coming to see you and part ways. It doesn’t matter how well the date is going, you must be disciplined and end it. Women want a love story to unfold and if she has learnt everything about you and she knows you’re super into her. She has no reason to see you again.
She really does need to wonder about you and wonder if you like her. You do this by keeping the date short and asking her questions so she does all the talking.
After the first date
After the first date, you need to decide if you want to see this woman again. Let’s assume that you do. What a lot of men do is ask the woman for a second date during the first date, which is a big “No, no”, or they ask immediately after the first date, which is another big “No, no”.
Women are not the same as men. Men see a beautiful women and think “I love her, I want to marry her.” Men become attracted to women and fall in love with them much faster than women do. Women take time.
After the first date, all you have to do is nothing. Absolutely nothing. If she texts you saying thank you for taking her out, then text back and tell her she’s welcome. But leave it there. Don’t ask her out during this thank you text exchange.
Now this is the easiest thing, but it's also the hardest thing for most men. You simply just wait and you do nothing but wait. If she wants to see you again she’ll text you after a few days or a week. She needs this time. During this time your silence will create attraction. She’ll be thinking “Most men usually ask me out again by now or at least text me. Why isn’t he reaching out to me?”, to answer her own questions, she’ll reach out to you. When she reaches out all you need to do is text back and say “It’s nice to hear from you, when are you next free?” and you’ll get a second date. "But what if she doesn't text me at all?", good question. In this case, it's likely she doesn't find you attractive enough. You're best moving on to someone else. If a week has gone by and you haven't heard from here, but you're convinced she's waiting for you. Then you need to understand women make it easy for you when they like you and they would in most cases reach out to you. If she doesn't directly reach out to you then she'll do little things like liking your social media images etc. However, if after a week there is absolutely no engagement from her, move on.
Let’s recap, when you’ve got a first date, pick somewhere quiet and comfortable, let her know beforehand it’ll be a short date, ask questions and listen, keep it fun, light and friendly, and then afterwards wait for her to reach out to you. It’s that simple.